Foxx's Poetry Corner
- Thread starter Greyfoxx
- Start date
Ravynlee
New member
Wow! I loved that one Fox! The way you wrote it was ... wow, very clever. It seemed to gather pace along with the frantic thoughts of someone fearful of their grip on reality and each small stanza was like drawing a breath, it fluctuated and grew lesser and sharper just like one does when having a panic attack!
Wow!
The end, that 'or...' that was brilliant. It turned the whole 'darkness' before it on its head. You really are left questioning was it real or not? Its almost devious at the end... 'you and me and that thing make three,' for some reason that leapt out at me. It plays to everyone I think because we all at some point, if only as kids, been afraid of the unknown lurking there in the dark and its the unseen 'thing' that terrifies us the most! Its the basis of any good horror story! The ryhme was good, I especially admire the way you didnt fall into the second line 'repeat' or having each and every single sentence rhyme and echo the sentence above, cause that has a tendency to make some writings seem almost juvenille... well, depends on the context, but the rhyme made it flow and gave it a sense of unity. It wasn't all over the place even if it wasn't typically structured. But this style of writing is showing maturity as well as playing to a sense of childlike wonder and fear, and yeah... ****... it was just awesome.
Really. No ****. One of your best. Sorry I took so long to get my **** over and read it! And sorry for the rant, but it was SWISH!! I know I sound like an eighth grade english teacher when I rant like this but its what I get from it when I read good writing and wouldn't you rather me tell you honestly what I think in a constructive manner than just go along with the crowd and say it was great (even if they are still very right in their opinions
??
Anyway, more like this and you will win the competition Foxxy, hands down!
:thumbsup:
Keep it up
Wow!
The end, that 'or...' that was brilliant. It turned the whole 'darkness' before it on its head. You really are left questioning was it real or not? Its almost devious at the end... 'you and me and that thing make three,' for some reason that leapt out at me. It plays to everyone I think because we all at some point, if only as kids, been afraid of the unknown lurking there in the dark and its the unseen 'thing' that terrifies us the most! Its the basis of any good horror story! The ryhme was good, I especially admire the way you didnt fall into the second line 'repeat' or having each and every single sentence rhyme and echo the sentence above, cause that has a tendency to make some writings seem almost juvenille... well, depends on the context, but the rhyme made it flow and gave it a sense of unity. It wasn't all over the place even if it wasn't typically structured. But this style of writing is showing maturity as well as playing to a sense of childlike wonder and fear, and yeah... ****... it was just awesome.
Really. No ****. One of your best. Sorry I took so long to get my **** over and read it! And sorry for the rant, but it was SWISH!! I know I sound like an eighth grade english teacher when I rant like this but its what I get from it when I read good writing and wouldn't you rather me tell you honestly what I think in a constructive manner than just go along with the crowd and say it was great (even if they are still very right in their opinions
??Anyway, more like this and you will win the competition Foxxy, hands down!
:thumbsup:
Keep it up
Greyfoxx
New member
Hollow
Emptiness is in me
An echo of a soul
But I’m not free
I am a hollow being.
No emotion
No excitement
Hollow
They have torn my soul from me
Bringing me to this life
Took the thought
Stole my mind
Left me a hollow vessel
Wandering the earth.
They saw me as a threat
Saw the potential for greatness
And took it from me
Ripped me from my fate
And left me here
As a hollow thing
I do not feel
I do not cry
Hollow is ****
Yet they do not know
Everything that I did
Even though they took it all
They do not understand
Yet here I am
Hollow
Emptiness is in me
An echo of a soul
But I’m not free
I am a hollow being.
No emotion
No excitement
Hollow
They have torn my soul from me
Bringing me to this life
Took the thought
Stole my mind
Left me a hollow vessel
Wandering the earth.
They saw me as a threat
Saw the potential for greatness
And took it from me
Ripped me from my fate
And left me here
As a hollow thing
I do not feel
I do not cry
Hollow is ****
Yet they do not know
Everything that I did
Even though they took it all
They do not understand
Yet here I am
Hollow
chaz-girl-fanatic1730760665
New member
omg YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAH YOU'RE WRITING!!!!!!!
*be happy* it's REALLY wonderful,magical,great,awesome....^^
*be happy* it's REALLY wonderful,magical,great,awesome....^^
LPShinodaFM
New member
...undescribable... and a picture means a thousand words.... so....
:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
There you go, 5000 words
:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
There you go, 5000 words
Greyfoxx
New member
Tell me…
Chorus
Tell me what it means
To be hurt like I am
Tell me what it’s like
To be loved like you are
Tell me why I’m here
Pushed away from the world.
Verse One
People say this is how it should be
Keep on about trivial worries
Saying they were hurt
And that they aren’t loved
Yet they don’t know
What it means
To be pushed away from the world
So I beg youuuu
Just tell me what its like
To be in the limelight
Chorus
Verse Two
Tired of the way
People look at you?
Trying to get out of the light
Wishing you weren’t here.
Please tell me now
How you feel now
Welcome to my world
Now you know what its like
To be pushed away like me
Chorus
Verse Three
Still can’t take it
Complaining of the life you once had
Telling of the hurt
Or bragging of the love you have
So why now do you tell
Of the lies you have told
Why do you care
About us,
The ones you pushed away.
Chorus
Chorus
Tell me what it means
To be hurt like I am
Tell me what it’s like
To be loved like you are
Tell me why I’m here
Pushed away from the world.
Verse One
People say this is how it should be
Keep on about trivial worries
Saying they were hurt
And that they aren’t loved
Yet they don’t know
What it means
To be pushed away from the world
So I beg youuuu
Just tell me what its like
To be in the limelight
Chorus
Verse Two
Tired of the way
People look at you?
Trying to get out of the light
Wishing you weren’t here.
Please tell me now
How you feel now
Welcome to my world
Now you know what its like
To be pushed away like me
Chorus
Verse Three
Still can’t take it
Complaining of the life you once had
Telling of the hurt
Or bragging of the love you have
So why now do you tell
Of the lies you have told
Why do you care
About us,
The ones you pushed away.
Chorus
These are new lyrics, my friend Kevin inspired me to write more lyrics so here they are
LPpinkfreak821
New member
I Love It!
