Is she worth all this pain?

[<~DarkShadow~>]

"up yours" straight back!!!! lol kidding, thats not too bad, i spose, it could have gone much worse, call her back, tell her you love her, you never know, things might work out...

One can only hope...

I'm gettin ready to call her back...I'll come back downstairs to update you all on the situation here then I'm off to bed....

 

[<~DarkShadow~>]

ok i talked to her...i asked her if she said "I just don't want to go out with you because I dont want to hurt us" if that means that she does like me that way....she said not necessarily....then I asked her if she would ever go out with me....she said she didn't know...so I asked if she would in the near future and she said no...so I got the impression that she only loves me as a best friend or brother. Which is a good thing but not what I was hoping for...I just love her so much and I would die for her...ugh this is so confusing...

 

[lpp]

ok i talked to her...i asked her if she said "I just don't want to go out with you because I dont want to hurt us" if that means that she does like me that way....she said not necessarily....then I asked her if she would ever go out with me....she said she didn't know...so I asked if she would in the near future and she said no...so I got the impression that she only loves me as a best friend or brother. Which is a good thing but not what I was hoping for...I just love her so much and I would die for her...ugh this is so confusing...

i hope things go smoothly

*hugsdarkshadow*

 

[[LP]GotLinkinPark?]

Since you two still want to stay friends, go ahead. You just need to find a way for you to think of her as only a friend and not someone that love. I'm not exactly sure how to do that though. But there's gotta be something.

*mroe hugs*

 

[lpp]

yea you get another hug

 

[stupidsoul1]

wow ds is so brave

 

[<~DarkShadow~>]

I cried myself to sleep last night....I got maybe 2 hours of sleep. And of course I dreamed about Abby. I decided this isn't going to work out. I'm going to walk up to Abby and say, "**** what I said last night....I can't live like this....I need you." I know that she and I will most likely never go out...but honestly, I want to marry her...spend my whole life with her. I want to hold her and comfort her when she needs it. I want to protect her. I want her...*sigh* I wish there was a way to make these dreams come true....*cries*

 

[<~DarkShadow~>]

Well today was just horrible...not talking to abby was a killer....I just gave up and told her I couldn't do it...she broke up with her boyfriend...I told him that I knew she was going to do it and she got pissed at me. Why did she break up with her boyfriend? I'll tell you...it's something I kinda 'left out conveniently' last night...she says she still loves her ex-boyfriend...(the one I almost killed) and honestly, that just takes my heart and wrenches it of all its blood....my heart feels empty. It feels like its been through a blender. The last thing I said to her today was, "what the ****?" and I feel terrible because of it...I want to call and apologize but she's not going to be at her house tonight...she'll be at her friend's house. Ugh I'm back where I was before...depressed as **** and wanting to kill myself...the only difference now is that I'm not going to kill myself...I can't do it..I know better than that now....it's just that I feel so miserable and ****....I mean, I love Abby soooo much...I want to spend my life with her...I want to have kids with her and get married, and die together.

*cries*

I just wish there was a way to make her love me. I wish there was something I could do...

 

[lpp]

Well today was just horrible...not talking to abby was a killer....I just gave up and told her I couldn't do it...she broke up with her boyfriend...I told him that I knew she was going to do it and she got pissed at me. Why did she break up with her boyfriend? I'll tell you...it's something I kinda 'left out conveniently' last night...she says she still loves her ex-boyfriend...(the one I almost killed) and honestly, that just takes my heart and wrenches it of all its blood....my heart feels empty. It feels like its been through a blender. The last thing I said to her today was, "what the ****?" and I feel terrible because of it...I want to call and apologize but she's not going to be at her house tonight...she'll be at her friend's house. Ugh I'm back where I was before...depressed as **** and wanting to kill myself...the only difference now is that I'm not going to kill myself...I can't do it..I know better than that now....it's just that I feel so miserable and ****....I mean, I love Abby soooo much...I want to spend my life with her...I want to have kids with her and get married, and die together.

*cries*

I just wish there was a way to make her love me. I wish there was something I could do...

aww

*hugs darkshadow*

 

[<~DarkShadow~>]

My friend Kalie told me never to give up on abby...haha trust me, I'll never give up on her...There's just no point in trying anymore...she'll never love me... So what's the point in even trying if I won't ever be happy with her? I mean, I really love her...you have no idea how much I love her. I just don't know what to do. Kalie said to just be nice to her, but that probably won't do me much good....besides her being nice back...there's seriously no hope...after this school year is over, I'll most likely never see Abby again...ever. So I'll have no choice but to forget her. I'm scared that when it comes around, I'll do something that I'll regret. I mean bad things...ugh I just don't know what to do anymore....This is all just so confusing...I wish I could just get over her...I wish it was that easy...but I can't. It's impossible. My friend Marett says that I don't love abby...she thinks that I couldn't know what love is because I haven't ever gone out with abby, kissed her, or anything...but obviously she's not noticing how much I really DO love Abby. Marett says that if I loved her I would do anything and everything for her....and that's kinda what I've said all along...I would risk my ****ing life for her. I love her...I always will, even if she has hurt me this much...I'll always love her...no matter what happens. I mean...her initials are in my ****ing arm...engraved. The scars are permanent. This has got me thinking though...could this be the reason that no girl wants to go out with me? because I love Abby so much? Because her initials are in my arm? Because I'm obsessed with Abby? *cries*

I'd have to say, that so far this year has sucked...especially this month...

 

[lpp]

i hope things go well

darkshadow.

*hugs you*

 

[<~DarkShadow~>]

Well Abby's friend sera is online, and I'm thinking Abby is with her, but theyre ignoring me...i swear to god i ****ing hate this....

 

[lpp]

Well Abby's friend sera is online, and I'm thinking Abby is with her, but theyre ignoring me...i swear to god i ****ing hate this....

i can tell if you want you can pm me and we can talk.

if you want to

 

[<~DarkShadow~>]

meh....whatever

 

[lpp]

meh....whatever

just to let you know i'm here for you so you can pm me anytime.
ds

 

[<~DarkShadow~>]

ok....thanks

 

[<~DarkShadow~>]

*cries uncontrollably*

I think maybe Abby doesn't care at all....


This is a convo with me and Abby's best friend:

Brizzad413 (6:50:35 PM): hey
way2sweet4u278 (6:50:39 PM): hey
Brizzad413 (6:50:54 PM): let me guess..abby's over?
way2sweet4u278 (6:51:03 PM): no
way2sweet4u278 (6:51:07 PM): she left already
Brizzad413 (6:51:10 PM): oh...
way2sweet4u278 (6:51:14 PM): yeah
Brizzad413 (6:51:52 PM): I was gonna ask to talk to her but nvm
Brizzad413 (6:51:52 PM): lol

Auto response from way2sweet4u278 (6:51:53 PM): ********make a wish********


Brizzad413 (6:52:04 PM): did she tell you?
way2sweet4u278 (6:52:31 PM): yes she told me
Brizzad413 (6:52:37 PM): oh
Brizzad413 (6:52:43 PM): well is she upset?
way2sweet4u278 (6:52:51 PM): haa no
Brizzad413 (6:53:00 PM): so she doesn't care?
way2sweet4u278 (6:53:34 PM): she cares that you keep saying you are going to stop or do something and then you don't
Brizzad413 (6:54:01 PM): Well I mean...I want to get over her....if you know what I mean....but I can't not be friends with her
Brizzad413 (6:54:05 PM): if that makes sense
Brizzad413 (6:54:14 PM): I mean....this is really hard for me
Brizzad413 (6:54:37 PM): I still love her, and I think I always will....but I'm trying to get rid of that feeling and just be her friend
way2sweet4u278 (6:54:54 PM): well do it then biznotch
Brizzad413 (6:55:02 PM): I've tried
way2sweet4u278 (6:55:06 PM): ok well i g2g
way2sweet4u278 (6:55:09 PM): cya

 

[lpp]

*cries uncontrollably*

I think maybe Abby doesn't care at all....


This is a convo with me and Abby's best friend:

Brizzad413 (6:50:35 PM): hey
way2sweet4u278 (6:50:39 PM): hey
Brizzad413 (6:50:54 PM): let me guess..abby's over?
way2sweet4u278 (6:51:03 PM): no
way2sweet4u278 (6:51:07 PM): she left already
Brizzad413 (6:51:10 PM): oh...
way2sweet4u278 (6:51:14 PM): yeah
Brizzad413 (6:51:52 PM): I was gonna ask to talk to her but nvm
Brizzad413 (6:51:52 PM): lol

Auto response from way2sweet4u278 (6:51:53 PM): ********make a wish********


Brizzad413 (6:52:04 PM): did she tell you?
way2sweet4u278 (6:52:31 PM): yes she told me
Brizzad413 (6:52:37 PM): oh
Brizzad413 (6:52:43 PM): well is she upset?
way2sweet4u278 (6:52:51 PM): haa no
Brizzad413 (6:53:00 PM): so she doesn't care?
way2sweet4u278 (6:53:34 PM): she cares that you keep saying you are going to stop or do something and then you don't
Brizzad413 (6:54:01 PM): Well I mean...I want to get over her....if you know what I mean....but I can't not be friends with her
Brizzad413 (6:54:05 PM): if that makes sense
Brizzad413 (6:54:14 PM): I mean....this is really hard for me
Brizzad413 (6:54:37 PM): I still love her, and I think I always will....but I'm trying to get rid of that feeling and just be her friend
way2sweet4u278 (6:54:54 PM): well do it then biznotch
Brizzad413 (6:55:02 PM): I've tried
way2sweet4u278 (6:55:06 PM): ok well i g2g
way2sweet4u278 (6:55:09 PM): cya

ohh poor ds.

*hugs hugs hugs you*

 

[<~DarkShadow~>]

ok enough hugging me....perhaps you should actually try to give me some advice instead of hugging me like a maniac...

 

[<~DarkShadow~>]

This is a convo with my "friend" Adam....I needed Kalie's phone number to talk to her about Abby....here's the convo:

Brizzad413 (6:58:06 PM): do you know Kalie's cell number?
foofighters2552 (6:58:11 PM): no
Brizzad413 (6:58:21 PM): oh...nvm then
foofighters2552 (6:58:49 PM): so whos this chick your tryin to go out wirth
Brizzad413 (6:59:08 PM): im not tryin to go out with any chick
Brizzad413 (6:59:13 PM): im just having problems
foofighters2552 (6:59:26 PM): everyone has problems
Brizzad413 (6:59:56 PM): not like this...
foofighters2552 (7:00:05 PM): i bet6 i have worse

Auto response from Brizzad413 (7:00:05 PM): brb

Brizzad413 (7:02:04 PM): i doubt it
foofighters2552 (7:02:16 PM): tell me
Brizzad413 (7:03:17 PM): why? so you can tell everyone els\e
Brizzad413 (7:03:20 PM): else*
foofighters2552 (7:03:37 PM): if you made me promise i wouldnt tell
Brizzad413 (7:04:03 PM): i dont trust you
Brizzad413 (7:04:16 PM): if you dont tell anyone then you'll make fun of me for it
foofighters2552 (7:04:17 PM): i keep my word ask anyone
Brizzad413 (7:04:34 PM): i dont care....i dont trust anyone besides Kalie with this
Brizzad413 (7:04:39 PM): and she's not going to tell you
foofighters2552 (7:04:49 PM): i didnt think she would
Brizzad413 (7:05:00 PM): dont even try to get her to tell you either
foofighters2552 (7:05:07 PM): if its chick promblems brad none is worse than mine
Brizzad413 (7:05:18 PM): then tell me yours
Brizzad413 (7:05:36 PM): mine has gotten to life or death situation before
foofighters2552 (7:06:28 PM): dont even go to life or death wiith me
foofighters2552 (7:07:35 PM): and with this life or death thing what are you going todo kill yourself
Brizzad413 (7:07:50 PM): no...its not life or death right now
Brizzad413 (7:08:09 PM): but it around the time I got sent home
Brizzad413 (7:08:23 PM): dude...don't think you know everything about me
foofighters2552 (7:08:42 PM): i dont think i do
Brizzad413 (7:09:02 PM): well don't judge me, don't tell me what i think or w/e
foofighters2552 (7:09:04 PM): dont let your past get in your way'
Brizzad413 (7:09:18 PM): im not....my future is whats in my way...as well as my present
foofighters2552 (7:09:22 PM): hell if i did id be in an asylum
Brizzad413 (7:09:30 PM): I would too
Brizzad413 (7:10:02 PM): If anyone knew what all I went through while I was gone.....ooh you wouldn't be trying to piss me off
foofighters2552 (7:10:04 PM): brad there is no such thing as the future there is only present
Brizzad413 (7:10:27 PM): dude....you dont know what is going on with me so just forget it
foofighters2552 (7:10:29 PM): who said i was brad and is that a threat
Brizzad413 (7:10:42 PM): no its not a threat....
Brizzad413 (7:10:57 PM): its a suggestion
Brizzad413 (7:11:17 PM): just leave me alone man....this really isnt the time
foofighters2552 (7:11:24 PM): and what would happen if i didnt take your advice
Brizzad413 (7:12:07 PM): i would get pissed...but i wouldnt do anything about it because that would just make my problems worse
foofighters2552 (7:12:40 PM): forget your problems
Brizzad413 (7:12:51 PM): **** you!
foofighters2552 (7:13:04 PM): just a suggestion
Brizzad413 (7:13:22 PM): how can i forget problems when theyre staring me in the face?
Brizzad413 (7:13:33 PM): dude you don't even know what's going on with me so just shut the **** up
foofighters2552 (7:14:00 PM): your right i dont but dont tell me to shut up
Brizzad413 (7:14:07 PM): shut up
Brizzad413 (7:14:13 PM): oooohhh what are you gonna do?
foofighters2552 (7:14:22 PM): what will you do if i dont
Brizzad413 (7:14:58 PM): well I personally would prefer not to get physical, as I would get sent home again.....so I'd just block you
foofighters2552 (7:15:18 PM): i thought you might and brad you wouldnt toch me
Brizzad413 (7:17:17 PM): What makes you so sure about that?
foofighters2552 (7:17:30 PM): id be too quick for you
Brizzad413 (7:17:40 PM): you're just too short
Brizzad413 (7:17:49 PM): and I have a broken arm
foofighters2552 (7:17:52 PM): to my advantage
foofighters2552 (7:18:08 PM): if you didnt have a broken arm you still wouldnt tough me
Brizzad413 (7:18:31 PM): how do you know that/
Brizzad413 (7:18:36 PM): have you ever seen me fight?
foofighters2552 (7:18:55 PM): have you ever seen mee ive taken down bigger guys than youy
Brizzad413 (7:19:32 PM): well isn't that special?
foofighters2552 (7:19:49 PM): no not realy
Brizzad413 (7:21:28 PM): dude just leave me alone
foofighters2552 (7:21:39 PM): you keep talking
Brizzad413 (7:21:51 PM): w/e
Brizzad413 (7:21:52 PM): goodbye
foofighters2552 (7:21:58 PM): ok