Thanks for clearing that up
Just a short update tonight. Been working today so not much time to write. And I'm changing Internet providers so I might drop off the face of the earth for a few days soon while that gets established. Fear not, I'll write when and if I can if I don't make it online so when I do you'll have more to read. Lucky you
Rashell, this is for you
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“Hey, how are you feeling?”
Turning her head on the pillow Rashell smiled. She tried to speak but all that came out was a whisper.
“Save your strengths,” he was telling her.
Rashell nodded and reached out to take his hand. Her smile grew to one of satisfaction feeling his lips on her fingers then on her forehead. She sighed and closed her eyes, relishing in his presence.
“I’ve missed you.”
“Missed you too,” she murmured.
When she opened her eyes she watched Mike settle on an outstretched arm over her. She continued to smile weakly. She was tired, and it was a conscious effort to keep her eyes open, but she endured. The sounds of machines beeping above her were driving her crazy so she wanted to make the most of this distraction. Mike was kissing her hair again causing her to giggle a little. His breath tickled her. When she found herself staring into his big dark eyes her smile faltered a little with sadness.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
Her throat felt raw from the intubation and her chest felt heavy but she nodded to show she was otherwise fine.
“I was so worried. I thought I’d lost you.”
“We’re okay,” she rasped. The oxygen hissing in to her nostrils was cool and hypnotic.
She heard Mike swallow. His breaths were ragged for a moment as he smiled at her and bowed to kiss her face again and then her lips.
“I’m sorry,” he uttered. “I should have listened and I didn’t. I should have listened when you told me not to go ahead-”
“Shh,” Rashell cooed and nuzzled against him.
Though he was too close to see his face clearly she smiled encouragingly as best as she could. The feel of his cheek beneath her hand was warm and scratchy. Even at such close quarters she could tell he was tired, she could pick up the little nuances from the way he seemed to wilt to her touch to the exhaustion to his tone. Feeling tears come upon her Rashell sniffled them back and drew into the pillows enough so that she could see his eyes clearly. He stared at her, his eyes big, lost and lonely.
“I love you,” she whispered. That was all that mattered. She repeated it again but her ruptured throat stole much of it. She closed her eyes feeling Mike’s fingers sweep both sides of her face.
“I love you too,” he said. Rashell clasped to his arm to show she reflected it. After a moment he pulled back and looked into her eyes again. He was, at last, his old self once more.
“The doctor said you should be out soon. A few weeks. See how you feel.”
“Good,” Rashell nodded. It was a marathon effort to lick her dry and cracked lips as she felt the familiar waves of exhaustion coming back over her again. “Mike… I want… to go… home.”
“Soon, babe, soon.”
“No,” she whispered to the warm darkness. “Home. Back to California.”
Mike said nothing. All she could hear were his steady nasal breaths as they gently caressed her face. Though she struggled hard to see if he was still there Rashell could only manage to weakly flutter her eyes lids.
“Mike?”
“I’m here.”
“Please…”
“Yeah,” he said. He sighed heavily. Rashell smiled rolling her head aside to rest against his hand. “Maybe it’s not such a bad idea.”
“It’ll be good for us… remember?” She smiled. Memories of happier times descended upon her. It was as if she could feel the warm sun, taste the sea breeze, hear the waves lapping at the shore and the gulls cawing above it all. She sighed. “We were so happy… then.”
She felt Mike’s fingers tighten around hers and delicately Rashell peeled open her eyes.
“Yeah. Would probably do you good to get away for a while. Catch up with your family, all your old friends, get some fresh air, all that.”
“I meant us, Mike,” she said, frowning back in consternation. “As a family… Just you… and me… and-”
“I can’t,” he said. Curling his fingers around hers in a kind of fist he bowed his face and muttered his words against it. He shook his head. “I can’t, babe. You know that.”
“We could start… a new life… there… a new beginning-”
“There’s still so much here I have left to do.”
“You can’t… be serious?”
“It’s not like that. Come on, babe. Rashell, don’t be like that,” Mike said, watching Rashell roll her head on the pillow away from him. He opened his mouth to speak and for a moment said nothing. He glimpsed down at their hands united to find he was the only one maintaining grip anymore. His broad shoulders fell. “Sweetheart- Your family, they don’t-”
“I’m tired,” Rashell said.
She was tired but staring at the vacant chair and the blinds drawn over the window the look on her face for once did not testify to it. Too hurt to be angry and too disappointed to cry, she stared ahead at some point and didn’t even see it. In her peripheral vision Mike continued to loom before he drew back and huffed decisively beside her.
“I know you’re upset after what happened but… running away… it won’t solve anything.”
Mike waited. He was searching her face, her profile for signs, seeking cracks in her façade that would signal her usual compliance but now there was none. He pondered the silence a moment longer accompanied by the constant beep of the vitals monitor, unhindered by anything but his own burgeoning thoughts. His brow furrowed into a little frown.
“I know, I haven’t been there for you lately. I know why you’re upset. You have every right to be, I get that, I do, I just…” He sighed and appeared to reconsider his options. “You know what, maybe you should go away. Maybe it’s better that way. At least then you’ll be safe-”
Rashell pouted and rolled her eyes back just enough to stare at him, hoping he could see the absolute pain and despair still shimmering in them. But Mike was looking down over her gravely. The grip of his hand was warm but it was mechanical. His voice was distant. He looked the same as he always did but there was something foreign to him too. The soft lights in the room illuminated his tanned face and created a gleam about his eyes. But there was no joy on his face anymore, just hardness. When he blinked aside and caught her stare he may as well have been reciting her eulogy.
“Safe from what?” she begged.
“From me,” he said.
Rashell’s lips quivered willing words to spill to the surface that never made it past her throat. Tears rendered her vision useless as she saw her husband bleed out into a mass of rippling shapes and kiss her hand again firmly. When he stood up a moment later he slid his hand free from around hers.
“I’ll let you get some rest,” he said.
Rashell winced instead of speaking. Her fingers, curled into a weak fist atop the crumpled covers, floundered towards him. Mike smiled. His face was reminiscent of anyone that visited these lonely halls, full of tragedy and hope and fear. Bringing her hand up to his lips he kissed her knuckles and stroked the hair from her pallid brow. The band on her finger glimmered in the soft light as he lay her hand back down against the coverlets and gently patted it.
“I’ll come and see you tomorrow.”
Unable to speak all she could do was sniffle at him. Watching him walk away Rashell called out and felt her lungs constrict with the effort. She coughed a little and recoiled at the coppery taste of blood.
“Jason,” she said, with what was left of her depleting strengths.
Mike looked up and glimpsed at her over his shoulder, his face now bathed in a monochromatic mass of shadows.
“Want… to call… him Jason,” she wheezed. Then she sunk back against the pillows. Machines started going off around her but Rashell’s eyes slammed shut and she didn’t see anything else. The cool oxygen hissing into her nostrils briefly deafened her as she gasped for a full breath. Feeling a grip on her leg she smiled, hearing a nurse rush in and clamp an oxygen mask over her face.
“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” the nurse instructed.
With fingers splayed Rashell weakly reached out for her husband. Her hand fell as sweet, blissful air saturated her lungs. Her body was rent now with exhaustion. She felt Mike’s fingers pat her leg before he let her go.
“Get some rest,” he said.
She didn’t even hear his footsteps retreat or the door draw to a close as blissful rest once more took hold and darkness overcame her.
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More in a few days... maybe
