Rusu_luvs_LP_4ever
New member
Your journal is so interesting Rav! *goes to check out the Rob's pic section*
Ravyn's Journal
- Thread starter Ravynlee
- Start date
Hybrid-Heart
New member
hey rav ^^
sorry for not commenting lately.. but i had this very annoying virus on my computer..
well hows it going?
those are really sweet rob pics ^^
take care
sorry for not commenting lately.. but i had this very annoying virus on my computer..
well hows it going?
those are really sweet rob pics ^^
take care
twilightcrimson7
New member
lmao! I'm gunna have to check that "discussion" out...lmao... I could argue some points hahah!
Ravynlee
New member
The Church of Bourdon!
Okay guys, I know, long overdue, I've been RAVing on about it for quite some time and never got around to actually doing anything about it, and since a few people (I love you all!!) have shown some interest in joining this wild circus of Rob-worship, I thought I'd add an official entry and tell everyone the special list of CoB (the Church, not the vegetable's) members to date. Let's see now... hope I remember everyone...
Shahfire
Rusu_luvs_LP_4ever (the official CoB Janitor, she tells me!)
Pheonix791989
Twilightcrimson7 (I think?? Was a while ago we discussed this, I could be wrong)
Stupidsoul1 (again, that's a maybe. Will edit if I'm wrong)
WoodyLuvsLinkin
and ME, naturally, Ravynlee, aka Rob's Gurl, aka Woody's 'Lil Drummer Gurl, aka Rav-the-Rob-Ranter and whatever else ppl call me when I leave the room...
Wow! There's a few more than I thought... *aww*
*Throws drumsticks and bottles of water to everyone instead of cookies*
*BIG WELCOMING BOURDON BEAR-HUGS* TO EVERYONE! Everyone's welcome to share in the Rob-love. Rant to your heart's content! It's all Rob, all the time... *rolls eyes* (Now I sound like a used car sales man...) anyway, thought I'd post and make y'all feel special! Welcome to the Church guys! Look forward to ranting and rob-loving with all of y'all!
Take care, TTYL (or catch me at the Rob's Pics thread, I'm stalking the place!),
-Rav
Okay guys, I know, long overdue, I've been RAVing on about it for quite some time and never got around to actually doing anything about it, and since a few people (I love you all!!) have shown some interest in joining this wild circus of Rob-worship, I thought I'd add an official entry and tell everyone the special list of CoB (the Church, not the vegetable's) members to date. Let's see now... hope I remember everyone...
Shahfire
Rusu_luvs_LP_4ever (the official CoB Janitor, she tells me!)
Pheonix791989
Twilightcrimson7 (I think?? Was a while ago we discussed this, I could be wrong)
Stupidsoul1 (again, that's a maybe. Will edit if I'm wrong)
WoodyLuvsLinkin
and ME, naturally, Ravynlee, aka Rob's Gurl, aka Woody's 'Lil Drummer Gurl, aka Rav-the-Rob-Ranter and whatever else ppl call me when I leave the room...
Wow! There's a few more than I thought... *aww*
*Throws drumsticks and bottles of water to everyone instead of cookies*
*BIG WELCOMING BOURDON BEAR-HUGS* TO EVERYONE! Everyone's welcome to share in the Rob-love. Rant to your heart's content! It's all Rob, all the time... *rolls eyes* (Now I sound like a used car sales man...) anyway, thought I'd post and make y'all feel special! Welcome to the Church guys! Look forward to ranting and rob-loving with all of y'all!
Take care, TTYL (or catch me at the Rob's Pics thread, I'm stalking the place!),
-Rav
twilightcrimson7
New member
sure, I wouldn't mind joining your religious event! ^__^ I don't know nearly as much as You do about him, but I'd be happy to join . *bear-hugs Rav*
JammerG
New member
Hey Ravyn, My sweety, I will be the water girl for you all and the towel girl... Hmm. Gym rooms, steam... get out of the gutter Jammer *S******s*.
Add me to the list... Rob's Kewl, and its all good!!!
But I am not his girl, Brad on the other hand or even Mike now... *GET OUT OF THE GUTTER JAMMER... *shakes head and s******s*
Just thought I would give a little hello since it is work hours, just letting you know I miss you *Sobs*
Take care Love you honey!!!
Add me to the list... Rob's Kewl, and its all good!!!
But I am not his girl, Brad on the other hand or even Mike now... *GET OUT OF THE GUTTER JAMMER... *shakes head and s******s*
Just thought I would give a little hello since it is work hours, just letting you know I miss you *Sobs*
Take care Love you honey!!!
stupidsoul1
New member
WWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM IN!!!
lol can i be janitor with rusu?
lol can i be janitor with rusu?
Rusu_luvs_LP_4ever
New member
heheh awsome!!! Sounds fun^_^ **** ON!! \\n/ so what do we do now?
Ravynlee
New member
Hey guys!
*BIG BOURDON BEAR HUGS* to you ALL!!! *awww*
Uh... okay, first things first;
Twi Not sure how much of an "Event" it is, more than likely whatever it's going to be it already is, just with a lot more ppl, and a lot more love, that's all I can think of it as being/'representing' anyway... But glad you're along for the ride none-the-less! *squeeze-hugs* Can't imagine anything of repute taking place without you! *awww*
Jammer Hey deary, miss you too. Yeah, you can be in the league too. Water girl/towel girl, it's all good *laughs* ****, makes it sound like a session in the gym or locker rooms or something... *mmm* (Imagining all of us descending on Rob in the locker room at once... let's see him out-run us then, huh?) *laughs* Glad to have you on board, too. You know I'm a worshipper, the wall above the comp in the 3rd bedroom (which I've converted into the study while you've been at Rucky's *s******s*) has a nice collage of all the Rob pics you printed out for me plus a few LP stickers and stuff... so, yeah, representing in my own way. The sigs and sticks have been shipped out and I'm awaiting delivery with eager anticipation (and you thought I was impatient waiting for my LPU pack to come! Aaarrgghh!!) *bear-hugs for you too* Now if you're reading this at Kumbari, get back to work! *sly grins*
SS1 Uh... you may wanna discuss alternating shifts with Rusu on the janitorial position and see if she's willing to split with you. *laughs* She chose that position, it wasn't something I bestowed upon her, honestly! *grins innocently* I'm not even sure what there is to be 'cleaning up' in a caretaking position so to speak, except all the puddles of drool we, or I, keep leaving in my wake over at the Rob Pics thread *drools again just thinking about it* Being the notorious Rob-pic-***** that I am (162 pics of our dear drummer boy by himself - without the others I have of the band - and counting!)... but she's pretty much doing her own thing. We're all doing our own thing. Yes, it's all good.
The CoB (not the vegetable) is pretty laid back if you haven't noticed. Our motto is "It's all good," (like, D'uh, and like, Brad's is like, "Like") so using that philosophy on things, we do whatever really! (Rob's an easy Idol to worship!) As the 'Reverend'/aka Rob-ranter I just rave on about him a lot, which is something that comes naturally, so I guess that position suits me just fine. You may just wanna chill and do nothing but listen to me rant on, or failing that, enjoy the view of the many faces of Rob I'm flooding the forum with (not to mention my journal! Yay!) so, y'know, whatever 'role' you wish to undertake, be my guest. We're just coming together to share in our love/wonderment in the spectacle of perfection that is Mr Bourdon... That's all. I'm not sure if he'd be honoured by teh sentiment or creeped out really, but I guess we;ll just assume he's never going to know about it, and remain unapologetically obsessive/perverted okay? *huge-hugs* That's better.
Rusu Uh... to answer that question... *shrugs* Don't know. Never started a club before. *scratches head* I guess... whatever we were doing before! *laughs* I'm just ranting, that's all. Kind of like the minister does at Sunday Mass at regular church. No one's obligated to stay, you don't like my rob-rant/sermon, you're free to wander. Personally, I'm just enjoying hanging out and chilling with others who like Rob as much as me, that's all. And I'm always learning, ****, I don't know half as much about him or the rest of LP as I wish I did (interesting but useless fact #132; Did you know Mike Shinoda's blood group is A+, same as me!! Woo-hoo!!) But I don't know anyone elses... hence, I'm here. It's all relative, see??? Educate me... maybe I'll educate others, it's all good, baby! Creepy, but good... *laughs like an idiot*
Okay, having said all that, let me update the list here. Official members to date are as follows;
Shahfire
Rusu_luvs_LP_4ever (the official CoB Janitor)
Stupidsoul1 (the other janitor, probably, yes, were so dirty here we need two of them, or at least I do!)
Pheonix791989
Twilightcrimson7
WoodyLuvsLinkin
JammerG
and ME, naturally, Ravynlee/Rob's Gurl/Lil Drummer Gurl etc.
A nice little perverted bunch if I do say so myself *grins proudly*
Things you MUST do now as a member; (not really, but it's good for my amusement)
*Drink lots of water (or at least carry a bottle of it with you at all times to look as cool as Rob does, and besides that, it's good for ya, ah-ha!)
*Wear all caps backwards, that's non-negotiable
*It's not compulsory to actually play the drums or even want to, but you MUST watch/listen to/obsess over Rob's drum intro on 'Faint' (if you don't already) and consider this our congregational hymn. (Extra merit points to those of you who have/seen Rock am Ring 06/06/04, and likewise obsess over Rob's drum solo/intro to 'Don't Stay', that absolutely makes my knees go weak! *gush*) If you haven't seen it yet, consider that homework!
*Use the phrase "It's all good" as many times a day as possible where appropriate (if you don't already) and adhere to that philosophy.
*Familiarise yourself with the word; Vater. It'll come in handy if you ever meet the man in person and can fit it into a conversation *laughs* Likewise for Gibraltar, Gretsch and Zildjian (exotic names for pets, maybe? *raises an eyebrow thoughtfully*)
*Never badmouth DVS, Matix, DrunknMunky, Replikant as standard forms of fashion, regardless the occasion.
*Appreciate the goatee in all it's forms... yes, even the 'lumberjack' look *laughs*
That will do for now, anything else I can think of, I'll let you know down the track... okay? Consider today's introductory sermon over, class dismissed!
*HUGE BONE-CRUSHING BIG BOURDON BEAR-HUGS*
Take care, talk to y'all later (or maybe catch y'ou at the pics thread, it's my third home next to this place and my real one!)
-Reverend Rav
*BIG BOURDON BEAR HUGS* to you ALL!!! *awww*
Uh... okay, first things first;
Twi Not sure how much of an "Event" it is, more than likely whatever it's going to be it already is, just with a lot more ppl, and a lot more love, that's all I can think of it as being/'representing' anyway... But glad you're along for the ride none-the-less! *squeeze-hugs* Can't imagine anything of repute taking place without you! *awww*
Jammer Hey deary, miss you too. Yeah, you can be in the league too. Water girl/towel girl, it's all good *laughs* ****, makes it sound like a session in the gym or locker rooms or something... *mmm* (Imagining all of us descending on Rob in the locker room at once... let's see him out-run us then, huh?) *laughs* Glad to have you on board, too. You know I'm a worshipper, the wall above the comp in the 3rd bedroom (which I've converted into the study while you've been at Rucky's *s******s*) has a nice collage of all the Rob pics you printed out for me plus a few LP stickers and stuff... so, yeah, representing in my own way. The sigs and sticks have been shipped out and I'm awaiting delivery with eager anticipation (and you thought I was impatient waiting for my LPU pack to come! Aaarrgghh!!) *bear-hugs for you too* Now if you're reading this at Kumbari, get back to work! *sly grins*
SS1 Uh... you may wanna discuss alternating shifts with Rusu on the janitorial position and see if she's willing to split with you. *laughs* She chose that position, it wasn't something I bestowed upon her, honestly! *grins innocently* I'm not even sure what there is to be 'cleaning up' in a caretaking position so to speak, except all the puddles of drool we, or I, keep leaving in my wake over at the Rob Pics thread *drools again just thinking about it* Being the notorious Rob-pic-***** that I am (162 pics of our dear drummer boy by himself - without the others I have of the band - and counting!)... but she's pretty much doing her own thing. We're all doing our own thing. Yes, it's all good.
The CoB (not the vegetable) is pretty laid back if you haven't noticed. Our motto is "It's all good," (like, D'uh, and like, Brad's is like, "Like") so using that philosophy on things, we do whatever really! (Rob's an easy Idol to worship!) As the 'Reverend'/aka Rob-ranter I just rave on about him a lot, which is something that comes naturally, so I guess that position suits me just fine. You may just wanna chill and do nothing but listen to me rant on, or failing that, enjoy the view of the many faces of Rob I'm flooding the forum with (not to mention my journal! Yay!) so, y'know, whatever 'role' you wish to undertake, be my guest. We're just coming together to share in our love/wonderment in the spectacle of perfection that is Mr Bourdon... That's all. I'm not sure if he'd be honoured by teh sentiment or creeped out really, but I guess we;ll just assume he's never going to know about it, and remain unapologetically obsessive/perverted okay? *huge-hugs* That's better.
Rusu Uh... to answer that question... *shrugs* Don't know. Never started a club before. *scratches head* I guess... whatever we were doing before! *laughs* I'm just ranting, that's all. Kind of like the minister does at Sunday Mass at regular church. No one's obligated to stay, you don't like my rob-rant/sermon, you're free to wander. Personally, I'm just enjoying hanging out and chilling with others who like Rob as much as me, that's all. And I'm always learning, ****, I don't know half as much about him or the rest of LP as I wish I did (interesting but useless fact #132; Did you know Mike Shinoda's blood group is A+, same as me!! Woo-hoo!!) But I don't know anyone elses... hence, I'm here. It's all relative, see??? Educate me... maybe I'll educate others, it's all good, baby! Creepy, but good... *laughs like an idiot*
Okay, having said all that, let me update the list here. Official members to date are as follows;
Shahfire
Rusu_luvs_LP_4ever (the official CoB Janitor)
Stupidsoul1 (the other janitor, probably, yes, were so dirty here we need two of them, or at least I do!)
Pheonix791989
Twilightcrimson7
WoodyLuvsLinkin
JammerG
and ME, naturally, Ravynlee/Rob's Gurl/Lil Drummer Gurl etc.
A nice little perverted bunch if I do say so myself *grins proudly*
Things you MUST do now as a member; (not really, but it's good for my amusement)
*Drink lots of water (or at least carry a bottle of it with you at all times to look as cool as Rob does, and besides that, it's good for ya, ah-ha!)
*Wear all caps backwards, that's non-negotiable
*It's not compulsory to actually play the drums or even want to, but you MUST watch/listen to/obsess over Rob's drum intro on 'Faint' (if you don't already) and consider this our congregational hymn. (Extra merit points to those of you who have/seen Rock am Ring 06/06/04, and likewise obsess over Rob's drum solo/intro to 'Don't Stay', that absolutely makes my knees go weak! *gush*) If you haven't seen it yet, consider that homework!
*Use the phrase "It's all good" as many times a day as possible where appropriate (if you don't already) and adhere to that philosophy.
*Familiarise yourself with the word; Vater. It'll come in handy if you ever meet the man in person and can fit it into a conversation *laughs* Likewise for Gibraltar, Gretsch and Zildjian (exotic names for pets, maybe? *raises an eyebrow thoughtfully*)
*Never badmouth DVS, Matix, DrunknMunky, Replikant as standard forms of fashion, regardless the occasion.
*Appreciate the goatee in all it's forms... yes, even the 'lumberjack' look *laughs*
That will do for now, anything else I can think of, I'll let you know down the track... okay? Consider today's introductory sermon over, class dismissed!
*HUGE BONE-CRUSHING BIG BOURDON BEAR-HUGS*
Take care, talk to y'all later (or maybe catch y'ou at the pics thread, it's my third home next to this place and my real one!)
-Reverend Rav
shahfire
New member
ooo. i have homework. i've not seen RAR yet. its depressing because my comp has no space to d/ it. but ill do my hmwk soon enough miss. rob'sgurl. oh yeah.. its's all good that im a member of COB. all i have to do now, is to have a position like rusu and ss1 are janitors. *thinks deeply* ill edit later. oh yeah...*wears cap backwards*<< that's essential.
Ravynlee
New member
Very proud of you, Shah! *laughs* You've made my night! I'm sure we'll think of a position for you in time... not that it's necessary, but hey *shrug* if you want an official position I'm sure we'll find you one, cool?
It's all good!
Hey, you don't have to download it to watch it. Check out a few sites... you'll catch on *sly grin*
TC & TTYL,
-Rav
It's all good!
Hey, you don't have to download it to watch it. Check out a few sites... you'll catch on *sly grin*
TC & TTYL,
-Rav
Ravynlee
New member
Hey,
I'm feelin' kinda bummed tonight, actually, this morning, I've just finished offloading a lot of beef over at Jammer's journal and set a few things straight with regards to our relationship as best friends. I'm worried, scared, actually, that I've just effectively driven the final nail in the coffin so-to-speak. I'm not sure if saying my peace as diplomatically as I could will have me banned from this place or whatever, hopefully not, but what's done is done now and I'll take it as it comes.
I guess the hardest part in all this is the fact I don't feel as left out or as jealous as I'm sure it must sound as I am mad. P****d off actually. I'm pretty much a straight-forward person, I tell it how it is, but this thing with Jammer and me is honestly making me ill with stress. I'm worried about and for her, and call me selfish or whatever, but I refuse to stand back and smile and nod politely while she tells me what a changed man her ex is when not 12 or so weeks ago we were both in fear of our lives of him. Literally. I refuse to believe it, and I'm mad as all **** that she aparently does. It's like she wants to be abused or something and it's a mentality I'll never understand, call me crazy or whatever. *sighs* I've lost contact of a few people over this separation (that was aparently my fault) and it all just feels like the last 3 months have all been a waste of time. I feel cheated and I feel betrayed and I'm angry, I'm angry still and I can't seem to get through to her why. Am I just crazy? Maybe. I don't have a certificate saying I'm normal, but I just... *shakes head* I can't get my head around it. I understand her reasons but I think she's going about it all the wrong way. Most ppl would tell me that I'd need to stand back and let her make her own mistakes or whetever, but the point is I already have. This has been going on for years and frankly I'm tired of watching my best friend being treated like s**t, and what's worse, allowing herself to be treated like s**t all for the sake of her kids. Maybe I am a heartless ice-maiden, for those of you who don't know I've been single for 12 years, so I guess that kind of puts a spin on things. I'm bitter, yes, and I have the gift/curse of solitude. I'm not that attached to anyone that I can't turn my back on, I've done it before and it's a terrible way to live, going through life not trusting anybody. My point is, regardless the fact my best friend isn't being abused now, I refuse to believe knowing them both like I do that things won't go back to the way they were, not after 3 months. Six months, a year, maybe things might be a little different GIVEN TIME but... I can't fake ignorance to this, and can't pretend to be happy as badly as she seems to need a shoulder to cry on. I'm just so f*****g angry over all of it I'm physically sick just thinking about it and hearing it and that's no way to live. I don't think it's fair to me after what I went through with her to help get her out of the s**t she's walked back into. That's selfish, yes, but when all's said and done all I have is myself... and that's the sad part.
Anyway, frankly, I'm sick of the entire scenario. I just want it to end and it probably never will. I've been contemplating packing up and moving home south again to NSW to get back to my roots. Even though I hate Coonamble (festering pustule and squallid hellhole that it is, a flat dry hot little dustbowl in outback NSW with more alcoholics within a 100 mile radius than you can poke a stick at), there's nothing holding me anywhere, and if I didn't harbour so many phobias I'd probably be one of those drifters who lives in a caravan park and follows the harvest trail of work around the country. I can see it now, just me, my two cats, and LP blaring on the stereo with two trailers behind me, one for me to live in, the other for all my LP stuff (cuz lets face it, LP's such a HUGE part of my life that like a lot of people they've inadvertently helped through their music, I probably wouldn't be here without them. In fact, I KNOW I wouldn't be). And I did just spend my $200 christmas savings fund to but my Rob/LP stuff from ebay, so I'm not about to just leave it behind. But anyway... I guess I'll figure things out soon enough.
*sigh* Man, what a depressing post! I can't sleep as tired as I feel and I can't write... I haven't been able to write now for two days and I feel like my brain's about to explode (death by fanfic?) I'm sick of crying and frankly, I rarely cry in front of anyone, so I'm feeling creeped out doing so with 10 A4 versions of Rob staring back at me right now from my Rob-poster-wall. She rarely sees me cry, maybe she things I'm not that fazed by it? Anyway, I started watching Rar04 again but even the sight of beloved Robbie banging away on his kit just hasn't been enough to soothe my soul as of late as it usually is. I'm just... I'm just... I miss my friend. I miss Jammer. People keep coming and going in my life like the tides and I'm just sick to death of it. I want some consistency, just one person I know will be there for me when I need them. I don't feel that way about anyone, not even my real blood family. How sad is that?........ And I also know in about 3 or so days I'm going to be missing my best friend a whole lot more when she goes back, once again, to the life that I know, but she still can't see, will ultimately crush her like it was not 3.5 months ago. I guess all I can do is take it as it comes... but I have a rotten temper and a nasty tongue... maybe things will get worse before they get better? I wish I knew. I wish a lot of things. I wish in part I'd never gone down to her place for that second time for that holiday... cause things feel like they've just gone back to the way things used to be anyway, the only difference is now I'm not allowed access to that part of her life or to see or speak or even have contact with her kids anymore, and as painful as they sometimes were (her son is **** on legs, but has his cute moments) I've known them, especially the twins, since they were born. They're a part of my life I don't have now and that hurts and she can't see/doesn't care. Why should she...? They're her kids, not mine.
*sigh again* See what I mean? I'm a b**ch, and I know it all too well. Oh well. Enough sobbing. Can't do anything else but sit and wait... so... I'll wait.
Thanks for allowing me to vent, it's been very cathartic. I have nothing amusing to say or even remotely like a Rob-Rant, so I'll just go.
TC & TTYL
-Rav
I'm feelin' kinda bummed tonight, actually, this morning, I've just finished offloading a lot of beef over at Jammer's journal and set a few things straight with regards to our relationship as best friends. I'm worried, scared, actually, that I've just effectively driven the final nail in the coffin so-to-speak. I'm not sure if saying my peace as diplomatically as I could will have me banned from this place or whatever, hopefully not, but what's done is done now and I'll take it as it comes.
I guess the hardest part in all this is the fact I don't feel as left out or as jealous as I'm sure it must sound as I am mad. P****d off actually. I'm pretty much a straight-forward person, I tell it how it is, but this thing with Jammer and me is honestly making me ill with stress. I'm worried about and for her, and call me selfish or whatever, but I refuse to stand back and smile and nod politely while she tells me what a changed man her ex is when not 12 or so weeks ago we were both in fear of our lives of him. Literally. I refuse to believe it, and I'm mad as all **** that she aparently does. It's like she wants to be abused or something and it's a mentality I'll never understand, call me crazy or whatever. *sighs* I've lost contact of a few people over this separation (that was aparently my fault) and it all just feels like the last 3 months have all been a waste of time. I feel cheated and I feel betrayed and I'm angry, I'm angry still and I can't seem to get through to her why. Am I just crazy? Maybe. I don't have a certificate saying I'm normal, but I just... *shakes head* I can't get my head around it. I understand her reasons but I think she's going about it all the wrong way. Most ppl would tell me that I'd need to stand back and let her make her own mistakes or whetever, but the point is I already have. This has been going on for years and frankly I'm tired of watching my best friend being treated like s**t, and what's worse, allowing herself to be treated like s**t all for the sake of her kids. Maybe I am a heartless ice-maiden, for those of you who don't know I've been single for 12 years, so I guess that kind of puts a spin on things. I'm bitter, yes, and I have the gift/curse of solitude. I'm not that attached to anyone that I can't turn my back on, I've done it before and it's a terrible way to live, going through life not trusting anybody. My point is, regardless the fact my best friend isn't being abused now, I refuse to believe knowing them both like I do that things won't go back to the way they were, not after 3 months. Six months, a year, maybe things might be a little different GIVEN TIME but... I can't fake ignorance to this, and can't pretend to be happy as badly as she seems to need a shoulder to cry on. I'm just so f*****g angry over all of it I'm physically sick just thinking about it and hearing it and that's no way to live. I don't think it's fair to me after what I went through with her to help get her out of the s**t she's walked back into. That's selfish, yes, but when all's said and done all I have is myself... and that's the sad part.
Anyway, frankly, I'm sick of the entire scenario. I just want it to end and it probably never will. I've been contemplating packing up and moving home south again to NSW to get back to my roots. Even though I hate Coonamble (festering pustule and squallid hellhole that it is, a flat dry hot little dustbowl in outback NSW with more alcoholics within a 100 mile radius than you can poke a stick at), there's nothing holding me anywhere, and if I didn't harbour so many phobias I'd probably be one of those drifters who lives in a caravan park and follows the harvest trail of work around the country. I can see it now, just me, my two cats, and LP blaring on the stereo with two trailers behind me, one for me to live in, the other for all my LP stuff (cuz lets face it, LP's such a HUGE part of my life that like a lot of people they've inadvertently helped through their music, I probably wouldn't be here without them. In fact, I KNOW I wouldn't be). And I did just spend my $200 christmas savings fund to but my Rob/LP stuff from ebay, so I'm not about to just leave it behind. But anyway... I guess I'll figure things out soon enough.
*sigh* Man, what a depressing post! I can't sleep as tired as I feel and I can't write... I haven't been able to write now for two days and I feel like my brain's about to explode (death by fanfic?) I'm sick of crying and frankly, I rarely cry in front of anyone, so I'm feeling creeped out doing so with 10 A4 versions of Rob staring back at me right now from my Rob-poster-wall. She rarely sees me cry, maybe she things I'm not that fazed by it? Anyway, I started watching Rar04 again but even the sight of beloved Robbie banging away on his kit just hasn't been enough to soothe my soul as of late as it usually is. I'm just... I'm just... I miss my friend. I miss Jammer. People keep coming and going in my life like the tides and I'm just sick to death of it. I want some consistency, just one person I know will be there for me when I need them. I don't feel that way about anyone, not even my real blood family. How sad is that?........ And I also know in about 3 or so days I'm going to be missing my best friend a whole lot more when she goes back, once again, to the life that I know, but she still can't see, will ultimately crush her like it was not 3.5 months ago. I guess all I can do is take it as it comes... but I have a rotten temper and a nasty tongue... maybe things will get worse before they get better? I wish I knew. I wish a lot of things. I wish in part I'd never gone down to her place for that second time for that holiday... cause things feel like they've just gone back to the way things used to be anyway, the only difference is now I'm not allowed access to that part of her life or to see or speak or even have contact with her kids anymore, and as painful as they sometimes were (her son is **** on legs, but has his cute moments) I've known them, especially the twins, since they were born. They're a part of my life I don't have now and that hurts and she can't see/doesn't care. Why should she...? They're her kids, not mine.
*sigh again* See what I mean? I'm a b**ch, and I know it all too well. Oh well. Enough sobbing. Can't do anything else but sit and wait... so... I'll wait.
Thanks for allowing me to vent, it's been very cathartic. I have nothing amusing to say or even remotely like a Rob-Rant, so I'll just go.
TC & TTYL
-Rav
stupidsoul1
New member
*hugs*
**** i can kinda relate to your feeling
i know trusting people is really really hard...maybe nearly as hard as seeing a close friend being subjected to that while you cant do anything.
You must realise that jammer knows what she is doing, everyone deserves a second chance.
You arent anything close to a ice-maiden, you are nice, friendly and awesome
have a little faith and it will be fine ( i know it sounds naive) but if u think it will be fine it will.
**** i can kinda relate to your feeling
i know trusting people is really really hard...maybe nearly as hard as seeing a close friend being subjected to that while you cant do anything.
You must realise that jammer knows what she is doing, everyone deserves a second chance.
You arent anything close to a ice-maiden, you are nice, friendly and awesome
have a little faith and it will be fine ( i know it sounds naive) but if u think it will be fine it will.
twilightcrimson7
New member
in reply to your journal......:Things you MUST do now as a member; (not really, but it's good for my amusement)*Drink lots of water (or at least carry a bottle of it with you at all times to look as cool as Rob does, and besides that, it's good for ya, ah-ha!) Can do! I like to carry <a style='text-decoration: none; border-bottom: 3px double;' href="http://www.serverlogic3.com/lm/rtl3.asp?si=22&k=water%20bottle" onmouseover="window.status='<a style='text-decoration: none; border-bottom: 3px double;' href="http://www.serverlogic3.com/lm/rtl3.asp?si=22&k=water%20bottle" onmouseover="window.status='water bottle'; return true;" onmouseout="window.status=''; return true;">water bottle</a>'; return true;" onmouseout="window.status=''; return true;">water bottle</a> areound so this'll work out fine
*Wear all caps backwards, that's non-negotiable another can-do! I love wearing caps back-wards....it makes me feel bad-***,
*It's not compulsory to actually play the drums or even want to, but you MUST watch/listen to/obsess over Rob's drum intro on 'Faint' (if you don't already) and consider this our congregational hymn. (Extra merit points to those of you who have/seen Rock am Ring 06/06/04, and likewise obsess over Rob's drum solo/intro to 'Don't Stay', that absolutely makes my knees go weak! *gush*) If you haven't seen it yet, consider that homework! Omg, I LOVE his drum-work in Fain, I always use my fingers as drumsticks andtry and replicate his awesomeness (call me a dork
*Use the phrase "It's all good" as many times a day as possible where appropriate (if you don't already) and adhere to that philosophy. I say It's all good religiously...no problems there XD
*Familiarise yourself with the word; Vater. It'll come in handy if you ever meet the man in person and can fit it into a conversation *laughs* Likewise for Gibraltar, Gretsch and Zildjian (exotic names for pets, maybe? *raises an eyebrow thoughtfully*) lmao, If I ever get more pets............
*Never badmouth DVS, Matix, DrunknMunky, Replikant as standard forms of fashion, regardless the occasion. Right-o.
*Appreciate the goatee in all it's forms... yes, even the 'lumberjack' look *laughs* XD *laughs with you*
I thinki you have absolutely every reason to be mad... at her...her husband...their situation... I know how nice and sweet of a person she is and it must be absolute **** sitting back and watchiing her crawl-back into that ****-hole of a life... I would be worried as well..****, I am.
*sigh Rav you're not a ***** and you're not being selfish..no ones perfect...and it must hurt to see that many people come and go... it must hurt more than anything...it must feel like nothing's tangable to you... I wish there was more I could say and do...I wish, like you, I wish too many things, and they never come true... I'm sick of wishing.. I have to make things happen. I'm so SICK fo just sittng back and watching my friends get hurt, like you. I need to start acting like a friend and not a coward....*sigh*
I really wish I was there to give you as much hugs as I'd like to....
Ravynlee
New member
Hey, thanks Twi, and thanks SS1, *huge hugs* That actually makes me feel a whole lot better strangely enough. I guess I'm just bummed... there's no excusing it. I'm not sure what her reaction's likely to be when I see her tomorrow afternoon. I have a terrible feeling that she's coming to get her stuff and leave and that's it. I'm not even sure how to feel about that. I'm just numb, everything feels numb.
I went to see a therapist today, I'd been running away from that obligation for months and after last night's episode decided enough was enough. So I went. As amusing as the system is, I have to wait a week before my first therapy session because she's booked solid. Fair enough. I won't resort to stupid and self-depreciating measures in between times (like cutting, I'm over it), I'm wise to that these days, but it sucks that when I actually feel ready to open up to someone, even a complete stranger, I can't. That really sucks, really, honestly sucks.
To make matters worse I somehow managed to bump my lip a few days ago and it (my piercing) got infected. Looks like someone's punched me... fat lip. So I went to get that fixed, the swelling's going down slowly, (things no one tells you about when you decide to have an impulsive facial-piercing) but I have a thick clear plastic tongue stud in at the moment and makes talking a bit... 'funny.' *sigh* On top of that I had nightmares last night. I didn't tell anyone but about a month ago, while Jammer was still here, I'd had an all-nighter staying up writing on my fic. I felt tired that morning and went to bed. I had the most intense dreams they were almost lucid to the point I could literally feel all these hands on my back pushing me down... I won't go into too much detail, but because I am a little Rob-crazy, my subconscious literally made Rob crazy in my dream and he was the one attacking me. It was so real I woke up terrified and wouldn't sleep... It was the closest thing to a panic attack I've had in years and last night I had it again. Before I thought it was just because I'd spent so much time sort of submerged in this surreal world I'm quasi-immersed in, writing LP fics and listening to their music and downloading videos and looking at my comp screen saver and poster walls and t-shirts and so on, and so on, that I just thought my brain was on Linkin Park overload. I'd flipped out. Well, that's not really the reason, but in truth it probably doesn't help.
Lack of sleep, food, and stress have done it, and after my outburst last night both here and in Jammer's journal, I think it came to a head again. I knew something was wrong this morning because I woke up exhausted when I managed to get some sleep at some ungodly hour this morning, and didn't want to get out of bed. The only reason I did was to feed the cats, and then realised they were out of kitty litter. I'm usually good remembering things for them but lately I've just... spaced out. I went to the shop and came home and guess what? My Rob drumstick that I'd been waiting for that I bought off eBay finally arrived today... and I didn't feel anything about it. I wasn't excited or anything, just still numb. I knew THEN something wasn't right, this is one of the few things I'd been SO looking forward to these last few weeks and I couldn't even make myself smile about it. I'm happy it's here and I've checked it out, I'm still amazed I own something THE Rob Bourdon once handled (you can see along the printed symbols along the stick where it's been slightly worn, so I'd believe he's used it) but apart from that all I feel is numb. I don't feel anything and for that being here I should at least be over the moon, and all I want to do is cry... it sucks.
Anyway, enough pity-parties. I'm thinking about going back to school, not Uni, not yet, but TAFE, an adult education course to rekindle my lost love of art. When I'm creating I'm most happiest and I want to feel that way again. It's a step back as far as education goes, but right now I don't even care about the qualifications. I want to feel content just being and right now I don't even feel that. Here I am wishing again. *sigh* I'm tired of coming back to this same point in my life, and I'm nearly 30. I have nothing and no one to share anything with, I have nothing to share, except now one used Rob Bourdon drumstick (which is still cool). It all feels so empty and hollow and pointless. That's why I cling to LP the way I do, they're THE only consistent thing in my life, that and my 2 cats, that's it, period. That's no way to live is it? *sigh again* Which is why I need therapy. And I finally see her (therapist) next week. But between today and next week...? I wish I had answers for myself but I don't. I feel like a loser coming here and blurting it all out but honestly I can't think of one person I could talk to right now in the flesh and that's even more depressing. Anyway, I'm not here to drag everyone down. I'm human I guess, I have good days and bad days... today and yesterday were bad days... maybe tomorrow will be a good one, but I doubt it. Jammer comes back from her ex's tomorrow and more than likely we'll have words. I miss her but I can't pretend to care about that other part of her life anymore, the part I'm no longer allowed to be part of, and whether that's selfish or not, I guess maybe that's telling me something. A true friend would support her and I'm not doing that. Maybe I'm not as close to her as I thought? Maybe... I don't even know anymore. I hope for her sake I'm proved wrong about how things will eventuate between her and her husband, but deep down I don't think so. She'll go her way and I'll go mine and that's probably it. Sad, isn't it? Who ever knew friendships would ever be so complicated? Maybe it's just me... maybe... but tomorrow will tell.
Anyway, that's enough for now. I'll post again soon enough. I have the HOLY GRAIL for the CoB now with Rob's drumstick (pity I couldn't take a pic and upload it) and need to look into having that framed and mounted so it can take pride of place on my living room wall. Along with his autograph (when that arrives, hopefully the end of this week/start of next) and the rest of the band's signatures. That's going to look downright awesome.
Well, thanks for humouring me. I'm sorry I've been such a downer compared to my usual effervescent self (?!) but hopefully I'll snap out of it and be back to my usual stoopid antics when next I post. Keep fingers crossed anyway, yeah? And now I'm going to end this little *raises an eyebrow sceptically* tirade with some well-needed eye-candy. This is the pic that's going on my wall (A4 sized) along with one of his autographs when I get it sometime in the next few days;
It's from The Linkin Park Times if I remember correctly from when LP played in Manilla. It's probably my second most absolute fav pic of dear Rob, and he looks so rugged and serious but still there's something about him you can't resist and can't help but admire. That's my small Rob-sermon for today.
Take care everyone, talk to you later,
*BIG BOURDON BEAR-HUGS*
-Rav
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stupidsoul1
New member
*hugs*
aww my poor pumpkin pie
well...it is more easier to vent in an lpf journal to people
so atleast that part is all good
i thought you bought 2 sticks 0__o
thats majorly awesome though
aww my poor pumpkin pie
well...it is more easier to vent in an lpf journal to people
so atleast that part is all good
i thought you bought 2 sticks 0__o
thats majorly awesome though
Ravynlee
New member
I did buy two... but from two separate parties. The first was just the used stick by itself, the second is the one with the autographs and photos and band poster and the other stick that I don't think he used, he just threw out into the crowd as he so likes to do. That's all. First one arrived today. Am awaiting the stuff from second party shortly. And yes, very awesome. *grins*
Thanks for the kind words. Yes, we all seem to offload here rather well don't we? *sigh* Guess that's what makes this place so addictive huh? (I mean, besides the ppl, oh, and the Rob pic's thread!) It's an extended family of sorts...
*squeeze hugs* thanks again for listening. It's been a huge help in ways I don't think you even realise. I very much appreciate it.
Take care, TTYL,
-Rav
(new and proud owner of a USED ROB BOURDON DRUMSTICK!!! aka, my new Holy Grail!!!)
stupidsoul1
New member
haha yeah
wooooooooooo!!!!!!!! how exciting
wooooooooooo!!!!!!!! how exciting