Ravyn's Journal

twilightcrimson7

New member
oh wow... I can totally relate ot the numbness when you saw your drumstick... sometimes, life is just so depressing that you're trapped in you're own world,... to far gone to even register the things that you relish....*sigh* On those days I really feel like climing into bed and just forgertting about everything and just lay there for hours...

there I go again with the wishing...u__u...

Best BEST wishes for you, darling.... life will get better... I have faith it will, for you, for me, for everyone who is having a ****** day.... It has to.

*suffocating hugs*

 

Hybrid-Heart

New member
too bad about the fat lip.. at the moment i have a fat arm =_=

mheh who cares.. so you're going to therapy?

good luck with it.. (man i really dunno what to say today)

so you didn't even smile when you got the drumstick?

yeah i had that too once.. got my new LP dvd,, but i was so down at the moment that i wasn't even happy.. those times suck if you ask me..

i hope you're feeling better at the moment

take care *hugs*

 

JammerG

New member
Hey,I'm feelin' kinda bummed tonight, actually, this morning, I've just finished offloading a lot of beef over at Jammer's journal and set a few things straight with regards to our relationship as best friends. I'm worried, scared, actually, that I've just effectively driven the final nail in the coffin so-to-speak. I'm not sure if saying my peace as diplomatically as I could will have me banned from this place or whatever, hopefully not, but what's done is done now and I'll take it as it comes.

I guess the hardest part in all this is the fact I don't feel as left out or as jealous as I'm sure it must sound as I am mad. P****d off actually. I'm pretty much a straight-forward person, I tell it how it is, but this thing with Jammer and me is honestly making me ill with stress. I'm worried about and for her, and call me selfish or whatever, but I refuse to stand back and smile and nod politely while she tells me what a changed man her ex is when not 12 or so weeks ago we were both in fear of our lives of him. Literally. I refuse to believe it, and I'm mad as all **** that she aparently does. It's like she wants to be abused or something and it's a mentality I'll never understand, call me crazy or whatever. *sighs* I've lost contact of a few people over this separation (that was aparently my fault) and it all just feels like the last 3 months have all been a waste of time. I feel cheated and I feel betrayed and I'm angry, I'm angry still and I can't seem to get through to her why. Am I just crazy? Maybe. I don't have a certificate saying I'm normal, but I just... *shakes head* I can't get my head around it. I understand her reasons but I think she's going about it all the wrong way. Most ppl would tell me that I'd need to stand back and let her make her own mistakes or whetever, but the point is I already have. This has been going on for years and frankly I'm tired of watching my best friend being treated like s**t, and what's worse, allowing herself to be treated like s**t all for the sake of her kids. Maybe I am a heartless ice-maiden, for those of you who don't know I've been single for 12 years, so I guess that kind of puts a spin on things. I'm bitter, yes, and I have the gift/curse of solitude. I'm not that attached to anyone that I can't turn my back on, I've done it before and it's a terrible way to live, going through life not trusting anybody. My point is, regardless the fact my best friend isn't being abused now, I refuse to believe knowing them both like I do that things won't go back to the way they were, not after 3 months. Six months, a year, maybe things might be a little different GIVEN TIME but... I can't fake ignorance to this, and can't pretend to be happy as badly as she seems to need a shoulder to cry on. I'm just so f*****g angry over all of it I'm physically sick just thinking about it and hearing it and that's no way to live. I don't think it's fair to me after what I went through with her to help get her out of the s**t she's walked back into. That's selfish, yes, but when all's said and done all I have is myself... and that's the sad part.

Anyway, frankly, I'm sick of the entire scenario. I just want it to end and it probably never will. I've been contemplating packing up and moving home south again to NSW to get back to my roots. Even though I hate Coonamble (festering pustule and squallid hellhole that it is, a flat dry hot little dustbowl in outback NSW with more alcoholics within a 100 mile radius than you can poke a stick at), there's nothing holding me anywhere, and if I didn't harbour so many phobias I'd probably be one of those drifters who lives in a caravan park and follows the harvest trail of work around the country. I can see it now, just me, my two cats, and LP blaring on the stereo with two trailers behind me, one for me to live in, the other for all my LP stuff (cuz lets face it, LP's such a HUGE part of my life that like a lot of people they've inadvertently helped through their music, I probably wouldn't be here without them. In fact, I KNOW I wouldn't be). And I did just spend my $200 christmas savings fund to but my Rob/LP stuff from ebay, so I'm not about to just leave it behind. But anyway... I guess I'll figure things out soon enough.

*sigh* Man, what a depressing post! I can't sleep as tired as I feel and I can't write... I haven't been able to write now for two days and I feel like my brain's about to explode (death by fanfic?) I'm sick of crying and frankly, I rarely cry in front of anyone, so I'm feeling creeped out doing so with 10 A4 versions of Rob staring back at me right now from my Rob-poster-wall. She rarely sees me cry, maybe she things I'm not that fazed by it? Anyway, I started watching Rar04 again but even the sight of beloved Robbie banging away on his kit just hasn't been enough to soothe my soul as of late as it usually is. I'm just... I'm just... I miss my friend. I miss Jammer. People keep coming and going in my life like the tides and I'm just sick to death of it. I want some consistency, just one person I know will be there for me when I need them. I don't feel that way about anyone, not even my real blood family. How sad is that?........ And I also know in about 3 or so days I'm going to be missing my best friend a whole lot more when she goes back, once again, to the life that I know, but she still can't see, will ultimately crush her like it was not 3.5 months ago. I guess all I can do is take it as it comes... but I have a rotten temper and a nasty tongue... maybe things will get worse before they get better? I wish I knew. I wish a lot of things. I wish in part I'd never gone down to her place for that second time for that holiday... cause things feel like they've just gone back to the way things used to be anyway, the only difference is now I'm not allowed access to that part of her life or to see or speak or even have contact with her kids anymore, and as painful as they sometimes were (her son is **** on legs, but has his cute moments) I've known them, especially the twins, since they were born. They're a part of my life I don't have now and that hurts and she can't see/doesn't care. Why should she...? They're her kids, not mine.

*sigh again* See what I mean? I'm a b**ch, and I know it all too well. Oh well. Enough sobbing. Can't do anything else but sit and wait... so... I'll wait.

Thanks for allowing me to vent, it's been very cathartic. I have nothing amusing to say or even remotely like a Rob-Rant, so I'll just go.

TC & TTYL

-Rav
Hey Ravyn, I will never leave, offload, run away from YOU!!! EVER. like I said to Russell, there is no contest. Sorry the winner is you. If he said ok choose between Ravyn and him. Honey he knows he would be the loser. This is from the mind and the heart.

You and I have opened up our deepest darkest secrets to each other. And honey I trust Russell to the stage where I don't lock my door at night (it don't lock), but I don't sleep well either. But I will say this: Yes in a way I am doing this for the kids. But also I am doing this as a last ditch effort to see if he has changed.

I know he plays on **** but I am slowly catching him out. If I finally find the glitch in the system and solid proof of his duping me than honey it will be the end. I won't stay there with some one who lies. Me I am not to sure of my feelings. I think I pity him more than I love him. **** don't I sound like the *****!!! He doesn't understand that I need time to sort out my feelings.

Honey I am so sorry for making you feel low. Hopefully when we talk tonight we can sort a few things out.

I love you Sista. ((((((((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))))))

 
I didn't realise untill now...but OMG I HAVE THE SAME GLASSES AS ROB!!!! I feel special...sorry to hear about you being bummed...I'm sure it will all work out...just give it time :)
 

shahfire

New member
*big big hug* hey rav, everything is gonna work out ok? it will all be fine. there are points in life where you just feel like, numb and tired. you get thorugh it. have the spirit in you. ok , now for my outburst, ahem ahem,

YOU GOT THE ROB-USED STICK????????????????? OMUhHSAHDS << *speechless moment* THAT IS AWESOME!!!!!! CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!*end of outburst*

ps: i know this is kinda a bad time to ask, but i think all members of COB should have a position, if that is ok with you, fiona and ruth. hehe.

 

Ravynlee

New member
Hey guys!

Thanks Shah, Rusu, others... it's been a bit of an emotional-roller coaster week, but I guess we all have them, so... needless to say, I'm feeling a lot better now! It's all good! *grins slyly @ Shah*

Shah,; Yes, I have the drumstick, held by the man himself. And you know something, I still haven't touched it! *laughs* Seriously, I'm not 'OMG, I can't possibly or I'll faint' that kind of thing, I'm just concerned... I don't know who ELSE has held it/played with it/played fetch with their dog with it, for instance, so in essence to preserve hopefully something (of what I paid a lot of money for, damnit!) of HIS essence, I refuse to touch or let anyone else touch it either. I'm waiting for my other stuff to arrive then taking it all down to get mounted in a frame, etc, so it befits the uh... 'specialness' of it and looks presentable too. It's still in the postpack it arrived in, and I showed Jammer, and she's like, 'I want to grab a pair of tweezers just so I can pick it up or something...' Needless to say, she looked with her eyes, like me, and not with her hands! It's my HOLY GRAIL! It's THE Holy Grail of the Church of Bourdon! *laughs* Oh yeah, about the positions for the club... Go right ahead and assign them as you see fit. I don't know who wants to do what, but if anyone wants positions, scream them out and we'll see what happens. Don't know what is needed. Maybe you should be second-in-charge... cause all I do is run the sermons, post pics, rant and rave and carry on... we have people assigned to cleaning up all the virtual drool (me, probably more so than anyone else as of late, keeps dripping all over the place! *laughs*) and so far that's it... a club with 2 janitors and a crazy Minister/Reverend holding aloft a used drumstick is probably not sending out the best signals to anyone else if you get my drift! *laughs again* Anyway, we'll figure it out as we go along.

Rusu; You have the same glasses, huh? *nods appreciativey* You look foxy in them like he does??? *laughs* I don't know, personally, I don't wear glasses, don't need to as yet. I'm not sure whether he wears them to look sophisticated or as a result of his many years of studying numbers at College doing his Accounting degree (he's not the kind of accountant you'd want to be in debt to, that's for sure... he'd snap you like a twig by the look of those arms as of late! But... yumm!) *drools again* Sorry... where were we? Oh yeah, the glasses... but he sure looks rather dashing in them I must say. Not so... how does Jammer put it? 'Baby faced.' Maybe that's why. Unlike Chas who can't see the front row of the audience without his... hey, here's a novel thought, maybe Rob actually wears them cause he needs them too! *laughs* That's nuts... but, cool you've got similiar ones. I'd rather his eyewear to Chas' or even Joe's... Mike's... maybe I'm just biased? Naaaah.

Well, went on a download spree the other night. In roughly 3 hours I downloaded just over 700 pics of Rob, alone, without the rest of the band, which pushes my little pic-*****-obsession to exactly, as of this post, 849 images of dear sweet Rob. I'm not half obsessed or anything, am I? *laughs* No, not really.

Aside from that diversion from reality, I'm doing good now. Spoke to my Mum on the phone tonight for an hour, had a few laughs. She's a great lady (when she's not innebriated/drunk) and tonight she was sober so that was great. She's just a shorter, older version of me. She's 5 foot tall (I'm around 5 foot 3 or so, roughly somewhere around 1 good solid foot, or 12 inches I think it works out to be, shorter than Rob! Haha!) and I've inherited her temper too, which may or may not be a good thing. She's always told me, in regards to our short stature that 'Good things come in small packages... like letter bombs and stuff' (that's pretty much a direct quote) so yeah, she's a card.

I see her maybe once every few years. I saw her at the end of last year after nearly 3 years, so that's nice. Will be seeing her for Christmas when me and my little brother and his little boy head down south to the squallid festuring pustule that is Coonamble, about 2hrs east of Dubbo in NSW. That's the first time we'll all be together essentially in almost 10 years... scarey when you say it like that. Time flies; the older you get the faster it goes, trust me.

I'm still thinking about going back to school next month, just to get my head ready for University once again. I need to finish my Bachelor of Visual Arts rather than have it hanging over my head another few years. That will give me somthing to look forward to. Still haven't been able to write anything on my fic as of Sunday... that's a bummer. I love writing. Jammer's been writing heaps and I'm really impressed with hers so far (classic tear-jerking hallmark, made my jaw drop a few times when I read it yesterday! *laughs*) Anyway... she goes back to her ex's again in the morning. Two days have flown by. Things have resolved themselves between us... even though I'd have to repeat my earlier claims that I still think she's making a HUGE mistake, that if she's not careful may end up costing more than just her life (and I mean that literally too) Anyway... he probably reads this and I don't need to antagonise him any further, so I'll let it go. It's her decision to make and for better or worse she's made it. I just hope, honestly, that I am proved wrong. Time will tell on that score I guess. Oh well...

Might head off again now... have re-read the latest installment of her fic now three times and always makes me teary-eyed! *grins* I guess I'm just a big softy at heart... Maybe an M&M, all hard on the outside and all sweet and... brown on the...? Okay, maybe I'm not chocolate (I was getting somewhere, especially if I'd said Peanut M&M's!) but you get the point, right? *laughs like an idiot* So I've gone from bad to worse... see why I need therapy? (This Rob-fixation has NOTHING at all to do with it, huh???) *Looks innocent* I'm sure the guy would be creeped out if he read half this stuff... there goes my one shot at dignity when/if I ever met the man at a LP M&G, yeah? *sigh* He's probably used to obsessed fans. Thay probably all are. Fame makes people weird... or makes people around famous people do weird things! Yeah... anyway...

Going to go now. I have nothing else to say (for once) so I might wander back and see how thinsg are at my other favourite hiding place at the moment (Rob pics thread) and talk to y'all lovely people again sometime soon, okay?

*BIG BOURDON BEAR HUGS*

Take care. Talk to you later,

-Rav

(aka, Rob's Gurl, Lil Drummer Gurl, Rave-the-Rob-Ranter, Rob's 'Lil Pic *****... blah-blah-frickin-blah!) *s******s*

 

Hybrid-Heart

New member
849 images??! holy ****! that are many rob pics..

and no i don't think you're obsessed :p

your mom sounds like a really nice person :) ,, i love mine too but not at this moment.. she just yelled at me cause i forget to hand in a form =_=

why didn't she do it by herself then? mheh

anyway ,, so you're going back to school? lol i would never what to go back to school.. i already hate it now.. but i understand that you're not goin back to high school or anything but mheh..

" I guess I'm just a big softy at heart... Maybe an M&M, all hard on the outside and all sweet and... brown on the...? Okay, maybe I'm not chocolate (I was getting somewhere, especially if I'd said Peanut M&M's!)"

lol that really cracked me up XDD!

take care

 

4everLP_Shinoda

New member
Hey Ravyn!!Woah that´s lot to read for me lol:p.how´s life?hope u are fine.

LOL u are such a Rob obesseser :p ,it´s oki tho cuz I remember I felt way about Mike,I mean,not that I don´t like him anymore cuz I do,just that I´m not that obsessed with him as I used to be.

Anywho,may be we should start different religions about the lp members lol,like the one u have in your sig;),that gives me an idea that if we do it,I could be the president of Mike´s Fan:pjk:plol.

Well take care and ttyl.

 
LOL! I need my glasses to see long distances...maybe rob needs them for the same reason?? *hopes* We would be made for eachother *dreams* If only....Yes....u sure are an obsessor of Rob, nothing wrong with that ofcourse. So many pictures...you must have drool buckets all over your house.
 

Ravynlee

New member
Hey, yeah, I know, 'Rob Obsessor'... I'm not too sure how the man in question would feel about it, but I'd dare say there's others out there a lot more obsessive than me... I hope so anyway! *laughs* But as for the drool buckets around the house? No... but I guess in hindsight that's not such a bad suggestion! No... not really. Only in my study, where my 'wall of Rob' is (OMFG, the more I open my mouth, the more of my foot I seem to shove in!) No, really, it's only 10 A4 pics of Rob hanging above my computer, I'm looking at them (and the computer screen) right now. THAT's what makes me drool, but since I drink a lot of water that's not a bad thing. For my PHYSICAL well-being anyway... mentally on the other hand...???

Starting up 'Religions' based around other band members? Sure... why not? I've got Lil Drummer Boy here covered... and if you take over as El Presidente for Mike's league, then we need 4 more constituents to take up the other posts and we'll have like a superpowers thing, like... what cartoon was it, they had the mechanized 'tigers' and they'd come together like Transformers to create a really large tiger/man/dude superhero? I dunno, used to watch it all the time as a kid... given the fact that was quite some time ago, I don't blame the fact anyone's staring blankly at me right about now. *laughs embarrassedly* But the point is... Uh, Rob's Fan's Klan is actually a pre-existing club over @ LPU4, it's now in it's 3rd version with over 101 members, and basically they do there what we do here... just under a different name, naturally! And we're all cat-fighting (joking!) over who's taking rightful 'ownership' of Rob, regardless as to whether he's single or not. It's purely for our amusement... and yeah, they call me a bit obsessed there too, which is nice! *laughs* At least people take the time out to notice these things! I don't doubt one day I'll wake up and no longer have the same flair for obsessing over the slightest Rob-'thing' (because believe it or not for the last three years I was heavily into Chester! Only, not to such a degree that I am with Rob now!) but for now I'm just happy to wallow. In time I'll either snap out of it or get worse to the point his lawyer's number is on my mobile caller ID. *laughs* As if... but still... funny...

Well, Jammer's gone again, back to her ex's and I'm here alone with my cats. We're chilling here, not doing much... enjoing the cold and silence. I'm about to go cook pork stir fry (I'm not Jewish!) and probably watch a movie after that. Can't decide between 'Interview with a vampire' (I'm an Anne Rice nut too! I own almost everything she's ever written and have read most of them - esp. the Vampire Chronicles - repeatedly!!) and 'The Last Samurai' which is also a beautiful movie too. Cinematic masterpiece. Anyway... that will give Rock am Ring 04 a rest for a few hours! *laughs*

Well, time to go eat, I'm starved! Take care guys. I know I'll be back later, I can't stay away from the place... talk to y'all later!

*big Bourdon bear hugs*

-Rav

 

Ravynlee

New member
GotLinkinPark?']Haha. I think it's ok to be obsessed with Rob. :rolleyes:
*LOL*That made me choke on my milo! Uh... thanks? :D

(Edit: Woo-Hoo! My 400th post!! *partay!* Er... and, check out the new Avatar.... <---- by me, naturally!)

 

stupidsoul1

New member
i have always wanted to see queen of the damned, the movie sound track is aweeessssommmmeee!!!!!! anywho

pork stir fry =) woooooo!!!!

i am so proud to be a janitor of COB *snifflz*....if only this added to my blank resume ...lol

id b so happy.

take care

 

Ravynlee

New member
Adding 'Janitor of CoB to your blank CV' *LOL* That's probably the funniest thing I've read all night! *bows graciously to you* Thanks for that... very amusing.

Anyhoo, as it so happens I have QOTD DVD, I have the CD soundtrack and I have the CD music score as well... they all rock! I have to say, IMHO Tom Cruise will always be the incomperable Letstat De Lioncourt, but Stuart Townsend doesn't necessarily make for some bad tasting eye-candy there neither! *wipes a little drool away again (****, I really need to get this excessive drooling problem checked out by a doctor! This is just crazy! *laughs*) If you've read the Chronicles then you'll know just how badly the movie (QOTD) deviates from the book, but it's not bad as a stand alone piece of cinema. I loved it. But don't ask me to critique it. *snarl*

Anyway... stir fry was great. Thought I'd share that with you. Pity Jammer wasn't here but she missed out this weekend, maybe I'll treat her to something next weekend, but then again, I doubt it. Unlike her, I hate cooking. It's a good thing I'm not a rock star cause I'd forever be harrassing the caterers. Oh well. I didn't watch either movie, I jumped back online and started downloading again (oops!) and responding to journals... I'm getting there slowly. I'm not one for short "Hi-bye" conversations, as if you couldn't tell. But get me away from the computer and good luck getting "Boo!" from me... *laughs* Introvert!

Take care. TTYL!

*hugs*

Oh yeah... I spilt some like, drool back there earlier in my post... would you mind if terribly...? Thanks! Ahhh, life at the Church of Bourdon is fun!

-Rav

 

Hybrid-Heart

New member
hi Rav ^^

QOTD is a great movie ^^ i love it.. specially the soundtrack yeah lol

and stuart townsend,, *drool* he's cute..

but i've never seen the movie interview with a vampire.. but i would love to see it..

well take care

*hugs*

 

Ravynlee

New member
ahaha rav it sounds all good then
man...im hungry now
Yuh, it IS all good then huh? *laughs*

Well by golly, go eat! I have a bowl of stir fry left over... want it? *spends the next five minutes trying to shove the entire bowl through the A drive of her computer* Hmmm... maybe I'll pass. But how about a hug? *big hunger suppressing hugs* Wow! If that's all it took imagine the love, and end of world hunger and famine we'd incite! Imagine that! Then there'd be no need for Bob Geldoff to create anymore awareness and go back to music... uh... if that's, like, what makes him happy...

Hey Rusu, were you refering to me as making a good rock star or Hybrid-Heart there? It's all good, we're all rock stars, at least for a brief shining moment in our own minds as children when we dance in front of mirrors and sing using hairbrushes turned upside down as microphones... uh... not that I ever did such a thing mind you... *laughs* It's just what I've heard... *ahem*

Hybrid-Heart... yes it is! And yes, he is! And yes, you should! *laughs* That was easy!

Take care guys, kudos be to you for stopping by and entertaining me this cold and otherwise uneventful Sunday evening... *huge hugs* TTYL,

-Rav

 
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