Yeah. I'm still wtfing at the doctors.
Well today I kudos myself for not getting physically angry with him. It was in the middle of the shopping centre. I don't know wtf came over me, I just wanted to lose control over what was being said. I know it wasn't anything major being said, but I just found myself getting angry all of a sudden. I talked to someone on the phone about what's been happening and they told me to take this test at the doctor's to determine if I have severe bipolar/schizphrenia. I was like schizaphrenia? wtf? I ain't seeing **** all. And they said if I have been eating a lot lately, and I'm like "more than ever! I have a gut on me!" And they were like it is a sign.
As much to my own disgust what was said today, I am partly to blame for getting angry, but I stood my ground I did not lose self control at all. I'm really happy that I didn't. He said that he's retracting the AVO and therefore, for me to prove to him (I can't believe it myself I found myself sucking up to the guy, by all means, I'm trying to get the guy off my back about the AVO) that I will not harm him/myself.
We're drawing up an agreement with the help of a therapist of course
Something like this -
I, Sarah W&(^%*&(&^, will not attack Daniel in any verbal or physical way. If I do so Daniel needs to take these steps to help Sarah retain her calmness -
a) If I get violent or aggressive in both verbal/physical manner, I lose privilages
b) If I don't get violent or agressive in both verbal/ physical manner, I earn privilages
c) I give permission to Daniel if I get violent for to Daniel physically restrain me if I am is "provoked" to attack him physically but doing so he is not allowed to get the police involved
d) Losing privilages will eventually result in the AVO going though
e) Gaining privilages will eventually result in the AVO not going through
f) I am not allowed to damage or steal any of Daniel's property
g) If I do, I lose privilages
h) I will not harm myself with any objects
i) I will not start nasty rumours about Daniel
I feel like a little kid, but I have to do it. I am the one to blame after all because I was the one who physically attacked him with a screw driver after all in the first place.
I think his goes along the lines of
I Daniel Humphris will not attack Sarah in any verbal or physical way. I need to take these steps to make sure she is okay mentally and physically (because she's been asking for it from day one!!)
a) When Sarah is angry I must talk her out of it calmly
b) I do not deliberately provoke Sarah
c) I will not get the police involved because it sends her pyscho when the police arrive
d) I do not wish to get back together with her (I tried to put this one in but he wouldn't allow it, **** therapist!!)
e) I will not steal or damage Sarah's property
f) I will cooperate with her in the best manner possible
g) I do not wish for Sarah to end up in jail because of me
h) I will not forgive myself if she ends up hurting herself because of me
There's some alteration needed badly in those, BUT I am getting help (admit it, I'm outta whack right now) and I am seeking advice. I didn't swear nor did I cause I scene today. I hate to say it, but in his right mood and mind, he
is a good guy. We're both ****** up and this has been demonstrated throughout time.
My **** sister keeps trying to contact me. I think my whole **** family's concerned for me right now. It's nice, but I haven't even told Imogen of the latest development and that's saying something. I rather discuss it in words than verbally as I know I'll lose self control and do something stupid that I might end up regretting.
ACTUALLY - since I've been spending more time on LPA then LPF right now, sorry, but LPA I've made a ton of friends and you get post count for everything in the random section (but not as a good'er friend than you Rav
Admit it, you just lurrrrvvvveeee me!) and there's a lot more activity going on there, Arlene did give me a good tip about Daniel in the "Got Something to Let Something Out Part 2" thread -
DS: I think you should hear him out. Yeah, he proved himself a jerk, but if he's willing to support you, you might want him on your side.
http://lpassociation.com/forums/showthread.php?p=825940#post825940Yeah my user name is December's Shadow...lol, I'm such a nong bat.
But the gay thing about LPA is that if you're a noob the first 50 posts have to be approved by moderators. Penny and I are like the equals to you and Jojo, Rav! We're both Australian and Greek!