Paranoia... 
ok this post is kind of a rant, let my feelings out....
i'm paranoid... of pretty much everything in my life, i feel like my friends are plotting behind my back, that my girlfriend doesn't love me, and is playing away, that my mum is gonna kick me out unless i get a job, that there is an international conspiracy to stop me getting a job... not true but it feels like that...
now i'm sure this feeling will pass, this is what me and my friend call "this time of night", when your tired and your mind is running, thinking about everything... and me being a pessimistic paranoid depressive makes everything against me, and makes me down.... and as much as i know this, i can't stop myself from feeling down and paranoid...
i just wanna feel happy with my station in life... i should feel happy right? i mean i have friends who love me (but can't see it atm), i have a girlfriend who loves me (but can't see it atm), a mother who loves me (but can't ...) and well the whole world has always been against me so there isn't much i can do about that... meh
this is where i need someone to slap me in the face and say "cheer up emo kid"
but it's not gonna happen, i feel like this usually once a day, but it seems worse, i just feel that no one cares, no one loves me, and that if i was to "leave" no one would really notice... maybe i should, maybe i shouldn't... we'll see how the rest of the night goes...
