Azem's journal

What reminds you of me

  • Total voters
    60
Meh.

Lately Ive been in a semi depressed state of mind. I mean see just before the summer I was trying to mack all the girls. I never dated any of them. And I mean I didn't becuase I knew we wouldn't have a stable relationship. Now when I really just want someone to talk to no ones there. Courtney is like Ashlyn to me. I really liked Ashlyn. She was my first big ass crush. Well now Courtney is like my crush. When I first moved to edgewood last year, I automatically recognized Courtney. More for her looks. I mean don't call me shallow, becuase alot of ppl do that to the opposite gender, but I thought she was hot. Then I became friends with her. And soon I really wanted to date her. I mean it was killing me to ask her out. But I deemed myself out of her league. So then later on I start talking to her more. And shes like yeah I used to like you. So i felt sooo stupid for not making a move when I had the chance. Well now I felt as though we might of had something. I mean I coulda sworn we liked each other. SO I asked her out. She said no. I mean it just killed me. When I fallow what I think is the sign I end up loosing. I mean always just date girls I kind of like. I always think the girls that i have major crushes on are out of my league. And lately that's just been bothering the **** outa me. I may seem happy, but I really not that happy at all. It's like dejavu, becuase when I asked Ashlyn out she said no. I just wish things would go right. I wanna stop dating girls I kind of like. Becuase that always leads to no good. I wanna be with a girl I know I can enjoy myself with. I get the rep. for being like a big ass flirt or a pimp. And I tend to fuel it on purpose. And now I hate myself for it. Becuase I feel as though my uprising was secretly planning my true downfall.

I guess what I am saying is that I'm not happy in life. I never make an effort hang with my friends outside of school. (I did like 5 times. Thats it.) I feel as though I have nothing to contribute. I feel as though I'll always be the guy the girls love to talk to but never date. Becuase they are always dating the jackass hot guy that breaks their heart in the end. I feel as though like I am very unssuccesful and have nothing to be proud for.

But meh. Im not going to kill myself or slash myr wirst becuase my life sucks. I just feel the need sometimes to write out my problems...
 
Not all girls just look for that hot jackass guy you kow. I know many girls just hope to get a bf who would just be nice and caring and none of those are girls are ugly.
You are not the only one who does not make an effort to hang with friends outside of school, I do that too and I'm sure others do that too.
Dont say that you dont have anything to be proud for cause you really do and when I say this, I mean it! You're a great guy Azem and that's true.
Look at the reps you have, not each and evry person who gave you rep would lie..

I'm sorry that you feel this way and if you feel need to talk to someone, you know I'm right here!
*hugs* <3
 
awww azem dont think like that!!! please i mean come on ur what like 14-15 (im sorry if thats wrong hit me now please) but you have so so so much time with girls and things, they may be just as confused as you are
just because they initally say no doesnt mean that later on something could happen, some teenage girls are stupid and because ur such a good friend they dont want to ruin it...because if you went out and had a bad breakup sometimes the friendship can be over

you just have to keep on showing what a nice guy you are..because you are (a nice person i mean) and once they see through that then thats all they'll be able to see

dont give up sweetheart <3 u and if u ever wanna talk!
XxXxXx *hugs u*
 
Meh.

Today I got alot of heat at school. People critisizing my rapping. They say I cant and say my **** is going to be wack. And see I know it's not, but when something you put your heart into gets shot down it just kills me. Everyone has doubts on me rapping. They think I can't do it. To top it off. The guys I was working with said I'm not going to have a track on the mixtpe. They didn't even give me a chance to hit the track. It just sucks mad ass. I was realy looking forward to busting a track. To show everyone I had some talent. So I could just shove it in their face and be like what. Now that's all down the drain.

Other then that today was alright. Just mad cold. Hoping things will get better as time advances.




Um, Reps dont count in real life. Im not trying to be rude or anything but you know what I mean. Meh.
 
Umm yeah I get. Hey the average school doesnt represent the poulation of music lovers and haters. They might not like it but somebody will.
 
I was wondering..why dont you make a thread about your rhymes and post your lyrics in it? so that other ppl can tell what they think about it..
just a suggestion, it's always good to know from several ppl.
 
Mad bored. Still like Courtney. Still wanna rap. Still never chill with my friends as much as I should. I tend to avoid them. becuase I'm a *******. But im getting better at being more social...just so much rejection lately has had me kind of wanting to be alone...meh...im using Carrie and this girl named Sam to kinda help me get my mind off courtney. Im hoping if i start evolving my feelings for them again maybe my feelings for courtney will fade.Like I said Im Hoping for that.

But yeah...

I Got a song on the LPF project 2....its hot as hell...i might have 2...depends...
 
UHh megan called wants to walk over to her house, but i dont wanna.

Not becuase i just wanna be alone mainly becuase her bf is an ass, and jessica(thats right the one that is obssesed with me) is gunna be there...so i gotta put up with both of em
 
well if you feel this uncomfortable then you shouldn't.
rjections do suck, but the good thing is that you get over it sooner or later.
I hope it's sooner for you
*hugs*
hang on there and take care
 
lol thanks


Welll lets see, all this week weve been taking midterms. I started weight lifting for football. Yesterday i did like 20 dead lifts...and my thighs feel like they are about to fall off. o_O lol um...im gunna try hard to get chad and possibly some other ppls to hang this week. its gunna be a 4day weekend so i really wanna do something instead of just sittin around. Um, im trying to be more of a ladies and man and more polite. Also trying to calm my ass down. Havent really gotten to talk to carrie this week but oh well...I still have my times when i feel like **** but i guess im trying to move on. Still really like Courtney but im trying to avoid talking to her, hopeflly soon ill stop liking her...

Yeah seems as though no rap tracks from me anytime soon. Sorry for anyone who was looking forward to hearing me flow. Not much you can really do about it but oh well. Maybe ill start saving up for a mic and ****.

But meh. Keza sucks ass. :p Yeah weight lifting is a pain in the anal rectum. Tough **** but oh well. Ill get used to it. I really hate how amanda makes me feel like so akward. Like ystrday after weightlifting practice was over i saw her liz luaren and this chick named sam in the hall so i went to say yo...and like amanda started talkin to me and shes all..."yeah...its gunna be weird next yr like when we go to football games ull be in the game and ill be in the marching band." I was like ohhhhhh kay. then she was like "I tried to get Jon(her new bf) to listen to me sing but he didnt seem to really care...your like the only one who really listened." I was like oh that sucks i guess. Like everytime we talk she always tries to make it sound like im like the only one who cares or some **** like that. Makes me feel akward...

But yeah Azem...ladies man...me....no more wildin out tough boy me..nah shawty...Time to play it cool and just take it easy im gunna have to start spitting some game..Im tired of being the guy who cant get anyone...from now on im gunna mack my way to the top...

Now the only problem is that i gotta date someone good this time...No more 1 day daters or ends up being a freak when you get to know her chicks...So its gunna take a while but im gunna find the right girl to date....I will....................................................................................................................................

























ps. look out for reverse the name by me on lpf project 2.0
 
hmmmmmmmmmmm

its 11.54 pm. havent slept in almost 48 hours. body weak. to weak. I just wanna dies.(ignore this)

um sam. this girl. shes my next move i think. im afraid though. im afriad im using her to block out my feelins for the Court. But i do feel a sense of attraction to sam. i always talk to her and seems as though I can tell her anything. She has a flirty way with me, but i think. thats just what she does with alot of guys. Shes not a whore. she is just naturally friendly. :D.

um so yeah.i guess u can say i like her for now. im afriad. i might not be good enough. my bf skills have really gone down. i cant make proper convos...i dont call my gf. lol. i think to much. and i cant seem to remember who made barney
anyways. hopefully something good will happen.

there is this girl named liz. she might host a factoral problem
 
yep, but if you can, just say what you feel you know. Girls like guys being honest ^^
yea, I know! you said that in the how you feelin thread, really cheered me up so thanx ^^
why do you want them to release it on nov? the sooner the better...right?
 

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